Take Advantage! Anyway, it was just a Dream ;P

Grabe nanaman ang panaginip ko. I thought tapos na ang lahat pero last night, sinumpong nanaman ako. I dreamed that we were talking together. And then he hugged me. He usually does that naman when we see each other. Pero, eto ang ginawa ko. Syempre, we let go of each other. Tapos we talked again. After that I hugged him ulit and super tagal. As in, I was hugging him talaga. Alam mo yung I don't want to let go. Eh, he was hugging me back naman and wasn't also letting me go. Hahaha. Ang landi. I think I wasn't actually thinking na it was just a dream. Kasi usually naiisip ko yun eh. Pero kasi nga ang saya ko, hindi ko na naisip. Take advantage na lang. Hahaha. When I woke up, super natatawa talaga ako. Parang doon ko kasi binuhos yung pagka-miss ko sa kanya. And then I tried to think what triggered my dream, and naalala ko, we talked nga pala the other night on the phone. Ang totoo, magchismisan ba daw sa unit phone? Buti wala kaming patient. Haha. Nagkamali kasi kami ng tawag then he asked for me. Kaasar nga lang nag-ring yung direct line kaya kelangan nang ibaba kasi walang sasagot.

So ayon, almost confirmed. Actually, 99.99% confirmed na meron ngang feelings si friend sa kanya. Kasi, uso nga daw ang burahan ng friends sa FB. Tapos may nakapansin daw na pag nag-post sya, may counter post si friend. And then nagtataka sya kasi parang wala naman syang nababasa. And then he realized na friend deleted him from his list. Actually, nung una hindi nya sinasabi kung sino. So hinulaan ko. Kasi nung una nag-huhulaan nga kami ng mga taong involved sa mga chismis. I asked him kung taga-saan, kasi may idea na ako kung sino. I asked kung nasa 1st floor, he said yes. I asked kung lalaki b yan, he said hindi masyado... ewan sabay oo. Adik. Eh di yun na yun.

Haaysst... Ang complicated talaga ng mga tao at mga pangyayari...

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water. (Antoine Rivarol)

First time I cried outside of my comfort zone in front of someone I least expected  to see me cry. You know me. I'm such a cry-baby for tv series/drama, books, movies, anime and manga. But for real life experiences, I don't usually cry unless super sama ng loob ko. And as far as I can remember I've only cried due to family circumstances and when I lose someone I love (as in death), or when someone close to me is leaving. I don't cry because I failed an exam, or when I quarreled with my friends or when someone got angry at me big time. I also don't cry in front of friends. As far as I can remember I haven't cried in front of someone else except in front of my parents. I'm a little tough when it comes to real life problems and I don't want people to see me as iyakin due to problems. Pero last night, I broke my composure. Ayoko sana talagang umiyak, pero hindi ko na napigilan. Hindi naman super iyak. Konting tears lang kasi nga pinipigilan ko. Baka naman kasi sabihin nag-papaawa ako.

Kinausap kasi ako nung isa sa mga tumanggi. Wala daw talaga syang narinig na sinabi ko. Sabi ko, sya hindi ko sure kung andun, pero yung isa super sure talaga ako. Kasi nga naalala ko pa yung sinagot nya. Ate, hindi ako ganun ka desperado para mag-imbento. At hindi ko yun imagination. Hindi pa rin ako ulyanin para makalimutan ko yun. Sayang lang talaga hindi ko maalala kung sino-sino pa yung ibang andun. Hindi ko na rin nga maalala kung saan ko sinabi- kung sa pantry o sa lounge. Pero 100% sure ako na sinabi ko yun. Ngayon, kung tinanggi nya yun dahil nakalimutan nya o kinalimutan nya lang, bahala na sya. Masyado kasi silang nagpa-dala kaagad sa inis. Dapat talaga alamin mo muna both sides bago ka mag-react.

Alam mo yung, ako na nga yung may pinaka-onting sinabi at no harm intended, tapos ako pa pala yung napasama sa huli. Samantalang pag ako ang naglaglag sa kanila, mas malalala pa ang mangyayari dahil sa dami ng sinabi nila, which I won't do kasi alam kong I'm better than them. Anyway, tutal naman, kahit hindi ko naiintindihan, naniniwala daw sya sa kin pati yung isa nyang friend at friends ko. Ok na ako dun, at least walang tension sa min. Sana nga. Hindi ko pa kasi rin sya nakikita ulit. She just texted me about that. At sinabi nya talaga na naniniwala sya sakin. And I'm so thankful for that. And salamat din na according to them, eh tapos na daw ang lahat... Sana tahimik na ulit. Yun nga lang hindi kami nagpapasinan nung isa. Bahala na kung anong mangyayari. Subukan lang nyang tirahin ako, baka hindi ako makapag-pigil. Laglagan ba gusto nya? Baka hindi na sya makabangon sa mga sinabi nya.

Anyways, I feel so much hatred in me. Parang ako ba toh? Parang ang sama ko naman. Haayst manonood na lang muna ako ng Azkals. Ang totoo, nadadala ako. Kelangan tumitili. Hahaha.

Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma's only a bitch if you are.

Ha! Too much happened because of my one comment due to hunger, tiredness and for feeling irritated for people who cannot stop complaining. 

That day was very busy as in it might have been the busiest duty so far for me. People were tired and hungry and were all trying to finish everything so they could sign off already. After transferring all our patients from the Recovery Room to their own rooms, I started counting our E-meds. But then I suddenly remembered that there's still another procedure that was about to start and the person assigned to it wouldn't be able to handle it due to some circumstances. I decided to take a look to see what can I do to help when I heard someone yelled. Actually, it was more of "pasigaw". I did not say she was "nagsisigaw or nagwawala". Ang sabi ko, pasigaw. I was taken aback and decided to just continue on my own business. She was saying something about the anesthesiologist inducting and the patient having no monitors. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa kin, siguro ang una kong na feel eh medyo nairita ako. Kasi super busy namin tapos may nagre-react na agad from someone na kapapasok pa lang. 

Pag dating sa pantry, almost everyone was there and out of curiosity kung alam ba nila kung bakit may ganong nangyari, I told them about the incident. I said na naaawa ako dun sa naiwan kasi super toxic na nga sya tapos may ganong pang comment. Syempre yung 2 kanya-kanyang reaksyon din. "Hindi pa nga sya senior ganyan na sya." "Hindi ba nya nakitang sobrang busy?" "Sana pagka-pasok kasi nya pinuntahan na nya agad yung patient." and so on... Tapos nakidagdag pa yung nakakulay pink. Hanggang sa kanila nga daw tumaas ang boses. After that, she went looking for me to ask about a pack. I went inside to explain to her about it and what happened and told me something. She said that she's not mad or irritated dun sa naiwan. Sana lang daw may nag-asikaso, kasi may mga nakita daw syang wala nang ginagawa. May sinabi pa nga syang name. And then I went outside again and told them na "Hindi naman  pala si ano ang pinaparinggan nya. Parang in general. May mga nakita daw kasi syang mga wala nang ginagawa. Tska baka nga na-toxic lang din sya at nabigla kaya tumaas ang boses." 

I was very sure I said that kasi nga gusto kong bawiin yung previous comment ko. Ang unfair kasi  for her. Hindi ko pa nga alam yung side nya nasabi ko na agad yun, tapos ang dami na nilang nasabi. Hindi man ako super sure kung sino yung mga andun, pero super sure ako about sa isang tao. Kasi sumagot pa nga sya ng "Sino naman yang in general, sana kasi mag-sabi sya names." Feeling guilty ka ba teh? - yan ang unang pumasok sa isip ko when I heard her say that. 

Tapos akala ko tapos na. I had my off-night at pag-kapasok ko lumaki na ang issue. Nagkapasa-pasa na ang kwento at kung sino-sino na ang nadamay at nakidamay. Pinag-tagpi-tagpi ko ang kwento at lumabas na parang ako pala ang nag-simula ng lahat. Inamin ko na agad bago pa lumala. Inexplain ko yung side ko at thank God, ok naman kami. Sabi nya naniniwala daw sya sakin. Kaso nga pag naiipit na ang mga tao, laglagan na. Tinanggi daw nung 2 na binawi ko yung sinabi ko. Wala daw akong sinabi na hindi naman para sa naiwan yung reaction nya. So ako pa yung lumabas na nag-iimbento. Samantalang parang ang ginawa ko lang naman eh pinainan sila, kinagat naman nila ng mahigpit. Ang totoo, nobela?

Finally... After 8 Months of Waiting...

I just came home from watching my most awaited movie of the year - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2!!! I so so so love it!!! My favorite parts were there and they did not fail to make me cry. If I'm the only one watching, I could have bawled out there at the movie house.

I really love the Doe Patronus part. I told you I would be really emotional while watching it. I think I started crying when they were starting to put up protection around Hogwarts. And then I was crying so much when Snape died and while Harry was watching at the Pensieve. I was also crying when the Resurrection Stone activated. And finally, during the epilogue when Harry was talking to Albus - "Albus Severus, you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin  and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew." Aww, I really, really love that line. Just reading it makes me tear up.

I wanted to watch it again. My only regret is that I should have watched it in IMAX. Anyway, IMAX or not, 3D or not, HP is HP! The HP series will always have a special place in my heart. I practically grew up with the books and the movies. I've been waiting for it every year, ever since I first saw the movie (2001) until the very last book, and now, the movie. I am a Potter fan and will always be one! I LOVE HARRY POTTER!

Expecto Patronum!!!